I have been absolutely ALL OVER the place these past few weeks... I sit down and think about the time that has passed since the blogger lunch we had here with the team on campus and it just blows my mind.  I absolutely cannot even fathom where the time went, it just doesn't seem physically possible for me to go from being on top of things and excited about my future career to not even being sure if I will make it through the rest of the semester.  I just don't know what happened to everything.

That was a lie.  Yes I do.  Life happened, and when life wants to happen it doesn't ask you if you are okay with its decision first, it just snaps and suddenly everything you know is spinning around you and you lose your footing.  The next thing you know you're staring up from the bottom of a hole you've somehow dug yourself into.  You look at the blue sky up there above you and you can hear your friends and family going on with their lives on the surface, but no matter how hard you scream they can't hear you.  You look around for a way out, a foothold, a rope... anything, just any way out of this nightmare... but you don't find a thing.

 This is where a decision has to be made... you have two choices, to fight (and fight hard) and figure out a way up, or to sit down and let the world pass you by as you hang your head in shame.  I am familiar with this hole, familiar with these decisions as well as their outcomes and I don't like being here because it scares me.  Someone once told me that my depression was not something to be ashamed of, that it was something that made me who I am, something that, when handled the right way, I could almost be proud of.  Who was that someone??  Well, she was the someone that my parents decided to hire for me to talk to when Krystal died (like that was going to help...).  Who was Krystal??

Krystal LeAnn Delaney was one of my best friends throughout high school.  She was the third of the "Three Musketeers" and I had been through 13 years of school with her... we were READY to graduate, ready to show the world who we were and what we could do, and it was within 3 days of our grasp.  That's right, 3 short days until we were going to walk across that stage, shake Mr. Hopkin's hand, receive our diploma and say ADIOS to that one-horse town and spread our wings and fly.  We left that senior reward dinner Thursday night and headed our separate ways for the evening with dreams of graduation in our eyes.  I never saw Krystal again.  She was taken from this world faster than she had come into it, and suddenly those dreams were gone.  What should have been the happiest time of my life suddenly hurt so bad I could barely breathe!!  It was excruciating...

Now back to that person who told me to be proud of my depression what a JOKE)... I said NO!  I was tired of my life being controlled by medicine and doctors who didn't even know me, I was tired of people telling me that the grief process was depression and "it's been 6 months Megan, you should be over this, doing this to yourself won't bring her back..."  Well maybe it did take me longer than others, but I don't think anyone had a right to jump in and tell me what was wrong or what was right.  I didn't completely shut down, I still knew that what needed to be done had to get done and that my college came first, but a chunk of the very person I had been for the better majority of my life here on this earth was gone and I was trying to figure out how to go on with being myself without Krystal... I needed time to do that (and to tell the truth I'm still trying to figure it out).

The night before the blogger lunch I found myself faced with the task of preparing myself to lose someone even closer to me than Krystal was and I guess it's fair to say that it has hit me hard.  I have been feeling the icy hands of death gripping my life and my heart once again and I'm trying desperately to go on with my life and break free from this death hold... I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I need to get out of this hole, I refuse to just sit here and watch the person I love waste away to nothing while I let my schoolwork pass me by.  He wouldn't want that, no... he would want me to fight hard and to be the student he has always known I am.  I suppose it's time for me to realize that what's going to happen will happen whether or not I want it to and that I need to fight, to show him that I can do this, and to make him proud before this earth says goodbye to him... It's time to get out of this hole!

 I will fight and I WILL win.

I have been absolutely ALL OVER the place these past few weeks... I sit down and think about the time that has passed since the blogger lunch we had here with the team on campus and it just blows my mind.  I absolutely cannot even fathom where the time went, it just doesn't seem physically possible for me to go from being on top of things and excited about my future career to not even being sure if I will make it through the rest of the semester.  I just don't know what happened to everything.

That was a lie.  Yes I do.  Life happened, and when life wants to happen it doesn't ask you if you are okay with its decision first, it just snaps and suddenly everything you know is spinning around you and you lose your footing.  The next thing you know you're staring up from the bottom of a hole you've somehow dug yourself into.  You look at the blue sky up there above you and you can hear your friends and family going on with their lives on the surface, but no matter how hard you scream they can't hear you.  You look around for a way out, a foothold, a rope... anything, just any way out of this nightmare... but you don't find a thing.

 This is where a decision has to be made... you have two choices, to fight (and fight hard) and figure out a way up, or to sit down and let the world pass you by as you hang your head in shame.  I am familiar with this hole, familiar with these decisions as well as their outcomes and I don't like being here because it scares me.  Someone once told me that my depression was not something to be ashamed of, that it was something that made me who I am, something that, when handled the right way, I could almost be proud of.  Who was that someone??  Well, she was the someone that my parents decided to hire for me to talk to when Krystal died (like that was going to help...).  Who was Krystal??

Krystal LeAnn Delaney was one of my best friends throughout high school.  She was the third of the "Three Musketeers" and I had been through 13 years of school with her... we were READY to graduate, ready to show the world who we were and what we could do, and it was within 3 days of our grasp.  That's right, 3 short days until we were going to walk across that stage, shake Mr. Hopkin's hand, receive our diploma and say ADIOS to that one-horse town and spread our wings and fly.  We left that senior reward dinner Thursday night and headed our separate ways for the evening with dreams of graduation in our eyes.  I never saw Krystal again.  She was taken from this world faster than she had come into it, and suddenly those dreams were gone.  What should have been the happiest time of my life suddenly hurt so bad I could barely breathe!!  It was excruciating...

Now back to that person who told me to be proud of my depression what a JOKE)... I said NO!  I was tired of my life being controlled by medicine and doctors who didn't even know me, I was tired of people telling me that the grief process was depression and "it's been 6 months Megan, you should be over this, doing this to yourself won't bring her back..."  Well maybe it did take me longer than others, but I don't think anyone had a right to jump in and tell me what was wrong or what was right.  I didn't completely shut down, I still knew that what needed to be done had to get done and that my college came first, but a chunk of the very person I had been for the better majority of my life here on this earth was gone and I was trying to figure out how to go on with being myself without Krystal... I needed time to do that (and to tell the truth I'm still trying to figure it out).

The night before the blogger lunch I found myself faced with the task of preparing myself to lose someone even closer to me than Krystal was and I guess it's fair to say that it has hit me hard.  I have been feeling the icy hands of death gripping my life and my heart once again and I'm trying desperately to go on with my life and break free from this death hold... I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I need to get out of this hole, I refuse to just sit here and watch the person I love waste away to nothing while I let my schoolwork pass me by.  He wouldn't want that, no... he would want me to fight hard and to be the student he has always known I am.  I suppose it's time for me to realize that what's going to happen will happen whether or not I want it to and that I need to fight, to show him that I can do this, and to make him proud before this earth says goodbye to him... It's time to get out of this hole!

 I will fight and I WILL win.

no, i'm not talking about the vampire movie, even though i did have that new moon midnight release experience this past weekend. i'm referring to a 15-minute reflection that is held every monday night through campus ministry. it is a brief, insightful, relaxing meeting of students with our campus minister to simply reflect on the past day and look forward to the next week. i find myself on most nights laying down on the floor and counting my breathing as i listen to the thoughtful words of the night. it is not a time of speaking to each other but rather listening to the campus minister guide us in meditation.

well last night's reflection was a PERFECT end to my day. you know that kind of day when you wake up and know its going to be a good day. well that was yesterday for me. i started out with breakfast (hardly ever happens) and moved on through the day successfully with classes, meetings, homework, being with friends, and more. there wasn't a single moment of negativity yesterday and it felt fantastic. as the night progressed after dinner i was watching the bucket list and felt that much better about my life, especially for the 46 days left i have of my college career. it left me in a great mood about life and it ended at 10:59. so at 11:00 i headed up to the 6th floor chapel for the most influential twilight experience i've had. the night's reflection focused on life lessons and learning to open our eyes and see whats in front of us.

what did you encounter today?

what will you encounter this week?

more importantly, what will you learn from it?

 well so far i'm doing pretty well for myself in 2o1o. i'm trying to give myself more of a guideline to live by so that i don't dissapoint myself come may 8th, 2010. it'll be the end of my last semester of college and i'm hoping for some GREAT things. here is a little piece of inspiration i found to build my own guideline.

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy.. So, be happy.

Well the fort building, unfortunately, was an epic fail. Whether it be the rare opportunity in the middle of the week or during your weekend, free time is something that any college student enjoys. The majority of this semester has been constant work, including the weekends, so what have I decided to do this Friday night? Clean!! It is extremely beneficial not just to finally find your floor but it’s a stress reliever like no other. I find it my own way of Feng Shui. I love reorganizing my room and moving furniture but just cleaning alone helps me to organize my life. The thought process of being alone in your room and going through everything helps me BREATHE!

            Here it is, the moment we have all been waiting for, the end of the semester! I am so excited because I finally get to rest and enjoy myself. This week I have to turn in to written Essay exams and the on Tuesday I have to present my group project, Wednesday I have an in class written essay Exam and Thursday I have to peer review another students news story and take an in class exam on news terms! While this semester has gone by faster than any other semester while I have attended the Mount, I can’t wait to see how next semester will turn out because I have a lot of interesting classes, I’m going to have my wedding, and I know I’m going to very much so involved on campus!

            I absolutely cannot wait until this week is over because Sunday I will have cheerleading practice and then a game on Tuesday; and, Wednesday morning I get to hop on a plane a visit my fiancé for the break! I am so excited because I haven’t seen him since September and this is something I have been really looking forward to, so, I really hope it doesn’t snow too bad when I have to leave Cincinnati! It will be different not being with my immediate family because that is what I am so used to and I’m sure I will get up in the morning and call my family just to make sure they liked all of the presents I got them! This semester was rough with the apparent flu season and with balancing my time between school, RA, and all of my other extra activities but I can truly say it was well worth it because it got me one step closer to my ultimate goal; which, is graduating from the Mount with a lot of friends, memories and tougher skin to make it through the “real world.”

Being away from home can be hard and you may never realize it until you are around your family. Last week I did my usual routine of school and meetings and everything seemed fine until I went to my older brothers’ wedding on Saturday, That day was crazy because I had to cheer at the football game against Bluffton. This game was awesome; mainly because we are holding a record of, now, 4 and 0! I couldn’t believe how good all of the players were doing at the game and was actually happy to do the fight song dance after every touch down! After the game was over I had to rush off to my room to change into my dress, which I recently bought from TJ Maxx for $10; with being a college student for almost three years now I have acquired a sense for big sales! Once I arrived to my brothers wedding I realized that I had missed the whole ceremony and at first I was pretty bummed but thought to myself that, this is the kinds of things that will happen when you are so involved in school. Even though I missed the ceremony I made it in time to go to the reception and had a blast with my family and was so happy that I was at least there to meet my new family! With being an involved student you will have to pick and choose things that you are going to miss out on just make sure you choose things wisely and not later regret those decisions!

Here is a pic form the game!

This is a pic of My aunt, younger sister and I at my older brothers wedding!

So we're back!!! The second semester of the 2008-09 year has started and we're off to a roaring start! We all had a month off for our winter/Christams break and that was a nice little time to relax and do nothing... :) I miss it... lol :)

This semester I'm taking 18 credits and I'm not sure how I'm gonna cope with all of it but I'm sure I'll be just fine :) I have: AED 210 Art Experiences for Children and so far it's really interesting- making a lot of little projects as the class progresses; EDU 335 Communication Development and Disorders and that should be very different; ETH:PHI 240 Ethics and I've taken Philosophy so this should just play off that class a bit :) ; MUS 246 Music Experiences for Young Children starts next week since the teacher had to cancel class this week because of a conference; RDG 330 Phonics and Linguistics this will be my hardest class with the hardest teacher but I am really looking forward to being really challenged; and SED 320 Teaching Students with Mild to Moderate Needs which will be interesting, to say the least.

Of course, on top of my classes, I'm still blogging, still the Assistant Editor of Dateline, the Publicity chair of CAB (Campus Activities Board), and I hope to partake in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat," our musical for this year. Boy, I need to cut down on my load don't I? lol :) But being busy is what I love best but I gotta keep my stress level down or else I'll just spaz out and I don't know where I'll end up but it'll all be good in the end! :)

Hope you all had a good break and the start of the rest of the year is going well for you and I'll keep you updated on all the happenings at the Mount. :) Pray for snow and snow days!!! :D

So, unfortunately, I have nothing new to really report. I'll give you an overview of my past week and what's potentially coming up this coming week, but I'm sad to say, I live a semi-boring life right now. 

Last week: Well I already told you my car broke down but the update on that is nothing. I still haven't gotten it back yet! It's frustrating! I feel cut off from the entire world because I have no car and no way to go anywhere. It's a sad reality when we feel lonely because we don't have a car... Wow... hopefully my dad can hurry the mechanic up so I can get my car back early this coming week. I'm still doing my service learning hours at St. William's Homework Helpers Program. I don't know if I ever mentioned that or not? See, I need hours to get a service learning credit for one of my classes- it's required- and I need 30 hours and I have to do a tutoring program 3 hours a week so hopefully, that combined with other odd service jobs, I can get my silly lil credit by the end of the semester or I get a stupid incomplete for my class. Go figure. I had a meeting with my advisor about my classes. It lasted 10 minutes. I already knew what classes I'm taking, I've already taken my Praxis test, and I'm already accepted into the Education Department so there wasn't anything to talk about. He cleared me to register and on Wednesday morning, I'll get up at 6:30 AM to register for my second semester of my sophomore year of college. Wow... time flies... Halloween was Friday but I didn't do anything. It's the first Halloween that I've really missed. No car equals no parties and no trick-or-treating so one of my friends came over and she and I ate candy, made puppy chow!, and watched movies. Exciting right? Not... On Saturday, I took a computer proficiency test so that I can waive a computer class that I'd have to take for my degree if I didn't pass this test. I don't know how I scored yet but I'll prolly find out some time this coming week. I eventually had my parents come get me and I spent Saturday night and Sunday at home. I came back to the Mount, worked on a project with my partner for my Human Exceptionalities class, interviewed my mom and recorded it for our project, and now I'm here. Boring... :( I like variety and this is certainly not it. 

This Coming Week: Since I still don't have a car, my dad is coming to get me some time on Monday so that he can take me home so I can vote on Tuesday. Yes, finally, Election Day is this week and I can FINALLY stop seeing political commercials on TV and stop hearing them on the radio. I'm so sick and tired of politics! I honestly hate politics but whatever... So Tuesday is Election Day. Wednesday is the day sophomores register for our classes- yay! I like getting my schedule ready and knowing what I'm taking next semester so that's exciting. Thursday, my project is due. And Friday is a special day! Friday, November 7th is my birthday! I'll be leaving the world of teenagers behind and becoming a true young adult in some kind of sense. I'll be 20 and I'm so excited! That day, I'll be going to Kenwood to have dinner with my family and hang out and then that night I have to go to a "Silent Dinner" at Kenwood Mall. It's a Deaf community event in which my classmates and I have to go to participate in a conversation  with a deaf person for an assignment for class using our newly acquired sign language skills. It's going to nerve-wrecking and I'll be so nervous to do it. I'm not that confident of my signing skills so I'm not sure what'll happen. Then I'll go back to my house to celebrate some more with my parents and my twin! lol :) Saturday will be boring but that night I'm having a party with my friends at Newport so that'll be good. It's a joint birthday party because my friend Alex is turning 20 on Sunday so she and I are having a mid-way party- my birthday Friday, our party Saturday, her birthday Sunday. It'll be fun!!! :)  

And that's my life. It's boring... Awesome ain't it? I'm sure after the election, registering, and my birthday, I'll have much more to talk about next time :) Until then... bon voyage!